On elevators:
"L. told me once that sometimes when she found herself alone in an elevator she would pull her skirt over her head. I know that in solo elevator rides I have pretended to walk like a windup toy into the walls; I have pretended to rip a latex disguise off of my face, making cries of agony; I have pointed at an imaginary person and said, 'Hey pal, I'll slap the goiter of yours right off, now I said watch it!.' The indicator light and slowdown give you enough warning to adjust your glasses and reassume a hieroglyphic expression before other passengers get on."
~Nicholson Baker, The Mezzanine
I like this so much better than classic "What To Do In Elevators" lists. Most of those seem to focus exclusively on alienating or distressing the other people riding with you, which, while amusing, has always struck me as vaguely sociopathic. This celebrates a rare moment of daytime privacy and the potential for absurdity that lurks in the unlikeliest of places.
"L. told me once that sometimes when she found herself alone in an elevator she would pull her skirt over her head. I know that in solo elevator rides I have pretended to walk like a windup toy into the walls; I have pretended to rip a latex disguise off of my face, making cries of agony; I have pointed at an imaginary person and said, 'Hey pal, I'll slap the goiter of yours right off, now I said watch it!.' The indicator light and slowdown give you enough warning to adjust your glasses and reassume a hieroglyphic expression before other passengers get on."
~Nicholson Baker, The Mezzanine
I like this so much better than classic "What To Do In Elevators" lists. Most of those seem to focus exclusively on alienating or distressing the other people riding with you, which, while amusing, has always struck me as vaguely sociopathic. This celebrates a rare moment of daytime privacy and the potential for absurdity that lurks in the unlikeliest of places.
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